i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Randomize
