sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
