Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
