now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
