she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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