can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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