just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
