My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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