He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize