I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
