Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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