I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
