it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
