youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
