There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
