New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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