I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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