i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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