i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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