Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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