New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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