i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
