Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
No subtext here. People are naked.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
