Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
