is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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