And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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