Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
