Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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