I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
