I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
