i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
