Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
