He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
