ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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