I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
