just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
