Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
