Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
