Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
