I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
