Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
