ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
