The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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