She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
