just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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