That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
this will be a night to untag.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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