i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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