my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
