I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
