there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
