She is in my trunk
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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