I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
