just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
