I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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