Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
