And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
