Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize