She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
