Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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