I murdered the dance floor call the cops
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
