WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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