i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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