she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
