I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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