I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
