The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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