I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
