I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize