i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
