haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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