God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
