remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
