I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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