omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize