I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize