i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
