You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
