now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
