Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
